Have you ever had someone in authority ask why you did something? How did you feel? If you’re like most of us, you translated it as an affront. 

It takes us back to our childhood when our parents were always asking why questions in an accusatory manner. 

“Frankie, why……

• Did you pull Annie’s hair?

• Did you throw the ball in the house?

• Don’t you listen?

• Don’t you be quiet?

• Did you walk in my flowers?

• Did you skip school?

• Did you fail the math test again?

• Don’t you ever pay attention?

You get it. Old programming can elicit unintended feelings when you ask why questions. For better results, try what and how questions.

When someone is late for a meeting, “What happened?” is less threatening than “Why are you late?” Both will get you the same answer but the why question may have a side of attitude served with the answer or worse, embed a feeling that lingers and unintentionally bruises your rapport.

Instead of “Why are you doing it like that? We do it like this! “ Try, “How is that method better than the way we were doing it before?”

It’s the same when you’re responding to a request.  “Why should I take on this extra work?” doesn’t land as well as “How is it that these extra tasks came to be added to my work?” 

Excellent communication is about body posture, tone, pace, trigger words, and more. The most charismatic people in the world understand the treachery of why and create smooth interactions by knowing it’s power and using it sparingly, effectively, or benignly.

Own Your Sales Gene…