For Mike Sadoski, who always deserves a trophy!

I often debate with myself about the usefulness of self-flagellation. I hear podcasts lauding the new science of self-compassion and have read some notable folks whose stance is that negative self-talk is always counterproductive. I vacillate between what they say and the way I came up. My Dad, coaches, teachers, and early bosses were mainly like drill sergeants (as were my actual drill sergeants during my days in the military). I know many successful people who were raised rough, like me, but does that prove the methodology?

I've landed (as I do with most things) in a place of moderation. I don't need an inner Lou Gosset Jr. screaming insults at me to motivate me but letting myself gently off the hook after blowing off a workout doesn't feel like it will get me back in the gym the next day. Having compassion and understanding for myself when I fail to do an arduous task I had planned to do feels gushy and insincere.

I am disappointed in myself. I am pissed at my laziness. Isn't that reasonable?

It's like raising kids.

Popular parenting today says that you always need to ask your kids please and thank you for starting to do something they ought to or to stop doing something they shouldn't. I like that. I like the idea that they will model that kind, polite behavior. But what happens on the third, fourth, or fifth, please or thank you? What happens when they don't respond?

Sometimes you've got to use that other voice and say, "Knock it off!"

My inner dialog is like that. I've adjusted to positive psychology. I am nicer to myself these days, but sometimes nice is ineffective. Sometimes I have to channel my Dad saying, "O wadda ya doin' sittin' around. Get off your ass and go cut that grass!"

Over the past few months, I've been trying something new that works well for me - future pacing. I imagine how I will feel at the end of the day after having done or procrastinated on a particular thing. Sitting deeply in the moment of the imagined experience of having done or not done a particular something usually propels me in the right direction. This is a recent adaptation for me and is working well.

I'd love your feedback on this. What does the voice in your head say to get you to do what you may not feel like doing when you need to do it? Is it like my Dad, or does it offer a hug and tell you it's OK, tomorrow is another day?

Please hit me back with a response.

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