I have struggled with the application of positive vs. negative self-talk. On the one hand, that no-nonsense voice in my head that calls me out when I am making excuses is valuable. On the other hand, negative self-talk can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The science backs this up. Negative self-talk has been linked with increased anxiety and subsequent poor performance, while positive self-talk plays a crucial role in building resilience. 

Studies show that individuals who use positive self-talk are likelier to bounce back and continue to pursue their goals when facing challenges or setbacks. In contrast, those who engage in negative self-talk often become demotivated and quit.

The answer is balance. 

I can’t be Pollyanna about my shortcomings or award trophies for lackluster performances. I still need my authoritative voice calling BS when I’m making excuses.

If I think, “Maybe I shouldn’t run today because it’s a weekend and the park is probably crowded.” I have to know that’s an excuse and recognize it with that voice that says, “That’s a BS excuse; cut the crap. Get your running shorts on and hit the road.  What do you think? There will be a traffic jam of bodies on the bike path…seriously? Let’s get going.”

At the same time, when I am suffering anxiety before a speaking gig and ruminating about a lack of rehearsals or second-guessing my choice of attire or stories, It’s better to remember that pre-talk anxiety is a good thing. It keeps me sharp. I also have to turn up the voice that says, “You’ve been brought here because you have excellent information, and people like how you deliver it. You’ve done this dozens of times, and you get invited back quite often! They will walk away better off for having listened, and they will thank you.” In the end, I need an 80-20 mix. I like the 20% challenge of calling myself out. 

I don’t veer off into insults, but that voice does disallow BS. The other 80% of the time, I need to practice encouraging myself like I would encourage a good friend: no false flattery but a reinforcement of positive facts that I can see better than they can.

I once gave a talk to a group of cognitively challenged high school sophomores. These were kids with emotional issues that prevented them from matriculating in mainstream high school. I did a segment on self-talk, and when the class ended, a shy student who did not appear to be paying attention approached me. She barely glanced at me, handed me a folded-up note, and silently walked off.  

I almost cried when I opened it. It said, “If you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself, you’d have no friends.” This, from a girl who is deemed unfit for mainstream education.

Own Your Sales Gene…