At five years of age, I remember my daughter saying, “Daddy, I don’t love you.” Then, looking terrified as she tried to let her joke play out, she quickly blurted out, “It’s Opposite Day!”  She got this joke from one of the children’s shows she watched on Saturday morning. 

In our pursuit of connections, we’d be wise to employ our version of opposite day.

Joining a new group you’d like to make an impression with might lead you to talk yourself up. You might want to name-drop so others will see you are well-connected. Perhaps you’ll try mentioning your VP or C-level title so they know you’re accomplished.  

Don’t. 

Charismatic people do the opposite. They tend to downplay their titles and social capital. They may even reveal some shortcomings. They’ll never be falsely modest, but they will share personal foibles in context, making them more relatable and likable.

Remember that kid in school who wanted to fit in with a group he was not fit for? When he tried to get engaged, he was rejected. What did he do? He tried harder. What should he have done? Backed off, stayed in the periphery, asked questions, observed, and listened. It was the opposite of what he was always taught about failure: that trying harder produced better results. Not always. Not in human connections.

I know people are not animals (well, most, anyway), but I can’t help but make this comparison.

My cat chases the ball of yarn I pull away from her. When I push it towards her, she runs away.

When I taught my dog to come to me off the lead, I did not walk toward him when he didn’t obey; I walked away knowing he’d chase after me.  Walking toward him only pushed him further away.

Some things are counterintuitive. We want to be liked, so we do everything we think we need to do to be likable, but when it comes to engaging with other people, remember, It’s opposite day! 

Own Your Sales Gene…