I am a believer in Mehrabian's 7-38-55 rule.  Meherabian was a psychology professor at UCLA when he developed the famous theory.  It states that 55% of our communication is delivered non-verbally, with 38% of meaning sent via tone and voice inflection and only 7% of our meaning attributed to words.

As I said, Meherabian is correct.  Imagine two daters, a man and a woman, after a night out.  They walk together and eventually get to the young woman's apartment.  She turns to her date, puts a hand on his cheek, and purrs, "You wanna come up?" OR she draws her head back on her neck, distancing herself from her date, scrunches her face, and with incredulity, says, 'YOU wanna come up?!"  

That is Meherabian's theory in spades.

It's how you looked when you said it, not what you actually said.

For me, there is one exception to this theory: harsh words.  To say, "I don't think that's true," is quite different from, "You're a liar,"  Or, "That doesn't appear to be the best choice," vs. "That's stupid." 

I have recently witnessed a company's struggle, a direct result of a culture that paid no attention to words. The CEO's harsh language, which was the norm, led to a culture of fear, inaction, and mistrust. This is a stark reminder of how our words can shape the very fabric of our organizations. 

I wonder how much of this harsh speech has seeped in as acceptable because of the vituperative vibe so publicized in our recent political discourse.  Regardless, just because it seems acceptable in the news, doesn't make it right.  Language matters.  Offering comments gently matters.  And don't worry about effectiveness, gentle and firm are not mutually exclusive. You have the power to choose your words and tone, and they can make a significant difference in your communication.

I think it's best to follow the advice of Andy Rooney, "Always keep your words soft and sweet just in case you have to eat them."

Own Your Sales Gene…