“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Bernard Shaw

I felt a bit intimidated reading that quote. With one sentence, Shaw encapsulated at least half of what I learned during two years of NLP instruction.

Many years ago, I had to counsel a sales manager who worked for me. He was a little upset with the current situation and came to me to talk about his role in the organization and his career path. I thought I understood exactly what he wanted and “handled” the situation. I remember concluding the meeting with, “OK, John. We’re good?” He nodded, shook my hand, and walked out. I moved on to some other tasks without giving John a second thought.

A few hours later, my partner in crime, JC, approached me with a concerned look on his face.  “What the heck happened with John? He asked.

“What?  I spoke with him, and it’s all good.”  “Sorry, Somma, it’s not all good.  He came to me very upset.”

I was under the illusion that communication had taken place when, in fact, I had unwittingly railroaded John into my agenda. I did not account for being his boss and the reluctance he may have felt to rankle me. He nodded and shook my hand, so I thought we had reached an agreement.

Jimmy taught me that day a technique we called “Taking the temperature.”  This is essential after a communication, especially one with mismatched roles or personality types. 

It’s as simple as summarizing the points, looking someone in the eye, and asking if they feel satisfied with the conversation.  Then, go further and ask what else they might want to bring up or if anything else is on their mind that day.  Doing this with the right face, tone, and body posture is essential to invite even the shiest person to open up.

Without taking the temperature, we run the risk that the communication we thought we understood is only an illusion.

Own Your Sales Gene…