#1116 Anti-Mentors

My good friend Dr. Rob Gilbert says, “A mentor is someone whose hindsight can be your foresight.” I have spoken about the importance of mentors forever, but today, I have a new question: Who don’t you want to be like? Who don’t you want to end up like? What traits have you seen in the people you’ve interacted closely with that repel you?

Years back, I was asked to speak to an auditorium full of teachers. To begin my talk, I asked two questions. First, I asked who became a teacher because of the influence of a lovely teacher who’d been a positive influence and role model for them. About 15% of the hands went up. Then, I asked who became a teacher because of a bad experience with an awful teacher who spawned a desire to do it better. More than 50% of the hands went up.

Some of us are motivated by a toward strategy while others are motivated by an away strategy. (More about that in a later post)

However, neurologically, we are all more motivated by the fear of loss than the promise of gain. I’d argue that most of us are more likely to run into our burning home to rescue the $10,000 we stuffed under the mattress than to have saved the $10,000 in the first place.

This is to say that I take Dr. Rob’s advice seriously and have always consciously sought out great mentors. Simultaneously, I also personify the characteristics of the folks I don’t want to be like. I don’t have one person in mind as the anti-Frank, but I have created an avatar that amalgamates the personality traits that most repel me.

(Some of those negative traits were mine circa the 1980s and 90s.) I’ve mashed together the personalities of an old sales guy I knew who was very Willy Loman-like, a narcissistic boss who seriously tested my ability to maintain the “no workplace violence” policy we had in place, a disengaged Dad I knew from my neighborhood, a demoralizing and overly critical coach I played for in my youth and a sprinkle of some my own less than amiable traits to create the image of the man I don’t want to be.

I am a work in progress.

I still slip on some of my old repulsive skins in moments of stress or weakness, but overall, I can hold my anti-Frank avatar up there next to my future-Frank image and use their juxtaposition to continue toward my goals.

Here’s looking at you - or the anti-you…

Own your sales gene…

PS Dr. Rob is a mentor of mine to this day. I listen to his “Success Hotline” every morning for a three-minute motivational message. Here’s the number: 973-743-4690