#1143 The most important thing is to make the most important thing the most important thing

 A couple of weeks ago, I hosted a live event called Connect & Elevate with Matt Strout, a legally blind boxing instructor. I know…Right? Matt is truly amazing, and his story is an inspiration.

Anyway, the event combined business networking with a success seminar. Matt and I offered tips and described systems we use and some other systems we know are used by highly effective individuals. We led the group through some guided introspection and asked deep questions. We put them in smaller groups to share ideas and how to focus more on what matters rather than succumbing to the stresses we face daily.

The mix of people was interesting. We had Gen Z through Baby Boomers in the group, and they all had different reasons for attending.

 I shared a story of my youth when I was driven, DRIVEN, to make money.  I told them about cruising around some ritzy neighborhoods with my young bride, where the homes had more bathrooms than we had total rooms and were perched on properties that looked more like preserved open spaces than someone’s yard.

 I recalled listening to Deborah, looking around, awestruck, and asking, “What do these people do?”

Her amazement and curiosity were innocent, but to me, they were an indictment. I didn’t hear, “What do these people do?”  I heard, “You suck. We don’t have any of this.  How can so many people be so much richer, smarter, and better than you?”

I never shared my injured feelings with her.  I just churned internally with self-loathing. I could have sold my soul to the devil, put on blinders, and run hard for wealth above all else, exchanging my family, health, and hobbies for a shot at really big bucks.  That’s what I wanted at that moment.

 Fortunately, through a series of meetings with some extraordinary people, I dug into personal development instead.  Great people, I have learned, want you to be great too. With lots of help, I  learned how to attain some financial success without capitulating to a culture that preached acquiring wealth at any cost.

I am older now, and I better understand what is important. We did manage to do well and live in a nice home on a lovely large property, but more importantly, we were happy while striving for a better economic life than we grew up with. We raised two excellent citizens of the world. We spent time with our families, ran and attended charity events, carved out time to exercise and pursue hobbies, and had a lovely circle of good friends we could enjoy and depend upon.

As I said, I was driven, if not a little misguided, for a few years, but I was fortunate to catch on sooner rather than later and pay attention to the things that mattered: family, friends, health, and time affluence. I still possessed a strong work ethic and financial and material goals and strove toward them, but I learned that working on myself offered a greater opportunity for success than working only on my business.

A better Frankie was a better salesperson, a better team leader, and a better business partner. Don’t get me wrong; I worked hard on my business but worked harder on myself. I’m not a billionaire. I can’t afford a yacht or private plane (or even a freakin’ Hybrid pickup truck…95K for a pickup? WTF?).

But I earned a good income and had time for the things that mattered most. I watched many others who, while achieving equal or sometimes better financial success than me, did so while missing birthdays, Little League games, family dinners, and bedtime stories. Their endgame was money, and many believed that their sacrifice was noble, that their kids would rather have a Porsche for their 18th birthday than their parent present to light the candles on cakes one through eighteen. I believe they were wrong, and I have a pretty good body of personal evidence to support that claim.

I’m not sure you can make Musk or Bezos money without working 18 hours a day, 7 days a week, but I know for sure that you can do really well financially and stay centered on what matters most: home and hearth.

Some of the young folks in the seminar weren’t there yet. Their idols were still the ultra-wealthy, and they still haven’t turned the corner to earning well but living better than well. I think that’s part of the process.  To make it into this camp with me, you may have to first experience the hard sprints of work with very little personal time.  That’s paying dues, and as long as you realize that is what it is and that it is part of a plan in which running hard is balanced with time set aside for all of what matters most, you’ll be OK. Some folks can’t separate the sprint from the cooldown. Some may even have to lose friends or respect before they realize what matters (IF they realize what matters!)

  Some, as I said before, may never agree.  That’s okay, too.  This blog is meant to provoke thought.  It’s meant to prompt you to look at what you’re doing juxtaposed with what I’m pitching.  If you are reading this regularly, we probably align on this philosophy. In the end, we all lie in the beds we’ve made.  I’ll sleep well in mine and hope you will sleep well in yours, too.