#1161 Monologues are for Hamlet

Dialogue: A conversation between two or more people

Monologue: A long speech by one person

Are you engaged in conversations or dueling monologues?

I see this in some of my training. People can talk and talk but not connect. Dueling monologues are not conversations. Great conversations take place when a connection is formed, and being easy to connect with makes one charismatic.

Every meaningful conversation is made up of micro-choices. The moments are ephemeral and need to be hooked, examined, and acted upon subconsciously in a nanosecond. It isn't a conscious focus any more than identifying a note on the musical scale needs to be in your consciousness to enjoy its sound.

When engaged in a conversation – IMMERSED in a conversation, the subconscious choices deepen rapport, and as rapport deepens, the ease and strength of conversational choices flow.

There are fleeting moments when a vulnerable admission or empathetic look will completely change the conversation, connecting you deeper if the right choice is made. It takes attention and focus.

These moments appear to us constantly and very often go unnoticed or, worse, are mismanaged with inattentive, inappropriate responses.

Conversationally we suck, and it isn't all our fault. We've got that distractor in our pockets (or worse, in our hands) while talking. If not our own, there is no shortage of screens everywhere vying for a piece of us while we converse, and of course, there is the almost universal lack of knowledge. I don't know about you, but I don't recall a class on listening offered at any of the schools I attended.

To me, the universality of poor listening is a huge opportunity to distinguish oneself.

Here's a quick cheat sheet:

·       Face your partner full on.  That means your heart is squared up with theirs.

·       The feet never lie.  Keep them facing forward, or your partner's subconscious will think you're anxious to leave.

·       Soften your eyes and maintain good eye contact.

·       Wear a look that's appropriate to the moment. You may start with a slight smile or a look of concern, but don't be blank.

·       Ask questions and listen.  Questions are not a platform to share your opinion – they're meant to draw out another person.

·       Nod where a nod is appropriate – touch where touch is appropriate, exclaim, shudder, laugh, or cry when those

are appropriate.  In other words, SHOW that you're INTO the conversation, not just IN the conversation.

·       Share similar moments from your life to show understanding, but don't hijack the conversation.

·       Try to listen more than you speak.

Look for those micro-moments during your next conversation.  If you are committed to listening, you will recognize them and apply some of the things I mentioned above. When that happens, the conversation will get deeper and more meaningful. 

In a world where quick snippets of text or comments dominate exchanges, practice these skills to stand out as a truly charismatic person. Even if you do only a portion of this, you'll be ahead of the game.

 Remember, in the land of the blind, the one-eyed person is king.

Own Your Sales Gene…