#1038 If You Don’t Ask

Un Forte Abbraccio to all of the new Big I subscribers I met in Niagara Falls last week. Benvenuto!

Why are people so bad at asking? Some are boorish, asking as if they are owed. Some are diffident and look as though they’re trying to hide within their own bodies while they whisper their ask, and others don’t ask at all!

Many misread a mood and apply assertiveness where acquiescence is a better fit, while others are doe-eyed and docile when they ought to be direct.

So why are people so bad at asking? Because asking is a skill that requires study and practice.

I have people contradict me on this all the time. They say they’re “speaking their truth” and “being direct.” They tell me they shouldn’t have to “sugarcoat” their requests. That may be true, but how’s that working out? Leaders who demand; demoralize. Professionals who misread moods and misapply emotions don’t get what they’re after.

My wife has often corrected me with this phrase, “Know your audience.” (Perhaps I told my daughter’s vegan friend a hunting story?)

Understanding the best way to have a request received and fashioning that request to match is an essential skill, and it’s learnable. I know because I teach it.

What it mostly takes is patience and empathy. It takes into consideration the way the other person processes information. It takes forethought and intention. Running the question through in your mind and anticipating its reception takes a nanosecond. So does rephrasing it so that it carries the tone, body language, and words that will land best with the recipient.

It is NOT manipulation.

It IS facilitating communication with consideration for the folks you’re communicating with.

Own Your Sales Gene…